I miss you

When I do not see you springing along
I miss you
When I do not hear your flowing voice
I miss you
When I do not feel the presence of you
I miss you

Sometimes I miss you even when you are with me

When I think of you
and remember your smile the way you hold your head the things you say that are special to you when I remember just how you look talk move and simply be

I smile
in the memory of you

I send Love
and smiles for the being of you...
you have touched my heart and my soul...
How could I not miss you?

When I miss you
I think of you
and send Love
just for you

Hello Catherine!

Thinking of you as past and present merge into a single moment; when all that was, still is and all that is, is tied to what came before.

The wonderful thing about Love is that one thing is always a part of everything else.

Knowing that Love will soothe your soul, I send hugs and joy!

This is not about one person, not about one thing but about about my life so far.
It feels like I have given it my all.

As I awake this morning I have these words in my head...

Quote :

"He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever, I was wrong."

( W H Auden )

My life so far has been

Quote :

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

What I know now is no more
and the the clock is stopped.

Yesterday I was thinking....
one thing, one person is not every thing
one part is not the whole...

And then I awoke this morning,
asking
yes but
what about this...

Quote :

"He was my North, my South, my East and West."

What about our north, our south, our east and our west?
What about those we love,
what about the things we love that become our north, our south, our east and our west?
What about the things that just seem to matter?
I do know that any one thing is not the whole.

But what about the way that I seem to try to give my everything to this thing we call living?

I could just go quietly now.
I can just
not join in
again
like it was before.

I cannot do the journey back to where I used to live.
Not any more.
There is nothing there...

Quote :

Stop all the clocks

I have given my all....
And so I cannot go back, not any more.

So, how do I do this?
This thing called living?
How do I do this,
knowing that I have already given it my all?

I wanted this exerience more than anything...

Quote :

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I wanted to experience the noon, the midnight, the talk and the song.

Was that such a silly want?

I hold this..

Quote :

Knowing that Love will soothe your soul, I send hugs and joy!

with the tears and thank you.

Today, I know that one thing is not my east my south, my north or my west.
And one thing cannot be every thing.
One thing is simply part of the whole.

Quote :

The wonderful thing about Love is that one thing is always a part of everything else.

Thank you

Quote :

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

WH Auden

With Love Catherine, I remind you of the times that you have encouraged me through dark days and nights.
Through the leavings and the wishes for something different.
Through the ripping of my soul when I had to start over without the comfort of my dream-come-true.
The words that you gave me were not empty, "It will be all right" words.
They were words that said, "You will endure and Love will be there with you!"
They were words that allowed me to know that whatever I lost was compensated by the Love that I allowed to fill those dark space.
It's a growing up, of sorts. A coming of age, knowing that what we are is included in what we will be--that we don't really lose anyone or anything--that they move with us to the next chapter in a different way.
But still we grieve for the part of life that was or that we wanted to be and know now that it cannot be in just the way we desired. So, like the artist, we add another layer of paint to the canvas to create the portrait that can now emerge. The part that we couldn't see before because our eyes were focused on some other detail.
The one thing I have learned from nature is that everything always changes, and although I may wish for one moment to last forever, the only way it can do that is for me to remember--and to move on as life continues to flow.

So now, as I wait for whatever comes next, I feel the bittersweet emotions and watch the parade go by. I know that my life is important to some and not important to others. I hold on to the promise of Love in all of my movement.

The same can be true for you!
Love in waves and waves!

Quote :

Love in waves and waves!

Thank you...
and Love waves for you too!

Thank you for all your words
and thank you especially for this....

Quote :

I hold on to the promise of Love in all of my movement.

The same can be true for you!

Quote :

"You will endure and Love will be there with you!"

TeeHee
You quoting me quoting you!

Flit wrote:

Sometimes I miss you even when you are with me


When I miss you
I think of you
and send Love
just for you

Oh Catehrine this is so so Lovely...

Yesterday I was listening at the radio...
It was about one of my favorite singer..He is a poet.
They recordered 10 hours programs on him ....I grow up with him...He tend to be an old man now I do not know a lot about him despite i like him very much so as I can't do a lot and only listen Afif has save me all the programm.

I can listen to his life...
One time he was in Love...He wrote beautifull letters...
A friend of him find the letters one day, years later...
He was in Love too...One sentence of the letter was perfect so he pick the whole sentence..
Than he choose an other..There was an other really perfect, and an other and an other.......at the ending he copy all the letters..Didn't want to remove anything as everything was just so perfect.that was so so fun....

What you write is the same..So lovely someone may want to reuse as if it was writen by her/himself...

Someone that I love to listen to is Leonard Cohen. I have everyone of his cds.... and I never get tired of listening to him...

I love both Hallelujah and Anthem of Cohen's. Not that familiar with his other work!

Everything has a crack. . .
That's how the light gets in.

Quote :

So, like the artist, we add another layer of paint to the canvas to create the portrait that can now emerge. The part that we couldn't see before because our eyes were focused on some other detail.

Writing is what I know.
When I don't write, it often feels like I am not communicating properly.
Sometimes I can write to discover what I can not any other way.

But
the other day
I said
I do not have to write, not any more...

I didn't write for many years
and the writing seemed to come back
with the discovery of the Love

But now I know that I don't have to write
I don't need to write
to discover me or the Love.

I don't know where this goes now
other that the knowing
that I don't need to write like I did.

Perhaps it is the thoughts
that can sustain me now
Perhaps it is the Love
but it answers that always inner what if questions I have..

And now I know it is okay
if I don't or cannot write for some reason
for Love is not here because I write
but is here anyway even when and if I do not or cannot write.

So if I do not need to write to "get" the Love
then the writing can just happen when it does..
because the Love is here anyway whether I write or not.
And in a way, I don't know if this is true yet or not...
but perhaps I don't have to do that painful searching or wanting
for some thing that is already here and within me anyway...

Quote :

The part that we couldn't see before because our eyes were focused on some other detail

This feels like I was focused on using the writing to discover the Love... but now I don't need to use the writing this way... it just feels like it now can free something....

Quote :

That's how the light gets in.

Thank you any way for any light always...

I Love you!

But....
talking
writing
sending Love
painting a picture
baking a cake
and all the things we do
is
what we do
so
what ever I do
is alright anyway
so why am I awake now?

Usually when I write it is a response to the Love.

It is something that I need to say, not for me but for someone else. It's part of the light, and we don't need light for us but to see who else is with us, I think. :

Awake or asleep, the Love doesn't change, but I think sometimes we are more sensitive to it in the early hours of the morning. It's the quiet time and a vulnerable time.

Sending Love for you in your wakefulness.

Nancy, thank you.

Thank you for your words
Thank you for the response of you
Thank you for the Love...

I thought that the writing was just for me

But then I met you
and because you are so so special
I just knew it was alright to share...

I remember once when I was 18 I went to a poetry group and after reading something they asked me if I was ambitious
I didn't understand why they would say that and answered no but never went back for it felt like a put down
I was just sharing my heart and soul
that was how it felt

I don't care if any of the words are in what may be seen as a wrong order
it is just how it flows

Nancy,
just thank you for you
thank you for your sharing

and now there is here too

Thank you Blandine
just thank you
thank you for your kind words to me
and thank you for your sharing...

Do you know what I thought when I read this?

Quote :

He was in Love too...

that I have never been in Love, well not like getting married in love..
not like they sing in the songs, not like the knight in shining armour love song

but when I read that word too... I think maybe you think that I have?

Does it seem that way?

And then I think....
maybe
I can't see it...

But I do know that I do Love
I really do Love

but not like in the story books
and not like the happily ever after endings

But I do Love forever and always...

Can you both see
how good you are for me?

If I could
I would invite you both for tea
and totally spoil you....

I miss you
I Love you
Both!


And I Love that yoyo!

Flit wrote:

so why am I awake now?

There may no be a specif answer in the sort of:
You're like this now to do THIS...or THAT and pinpoint one or several specif and dam good reasons.

Some never awake, despite they try.
Some never awake.They simply even didn't now they could be different.
Some try and fail.
Other didn't try and succeed...


The univers is so huge.
The reasons for ALL are so far from us.
There is only the world...all around...
And in the world coexist things and their oposite.
So much good fabulous things.
So much wonders of the world:The rain, the rainbow, the sand, the never endding song on the sea, the growing of coral, the wonder of the small antilop,the waterfall of Africa, the smell of this tiny wild flower no human will never smell, the cleveness of the bees.....

All these never ending wonders of the world...
And what humans put in front?
What do they add to the world?
What they do not spoil, waste, destroy they ignore it.
They add the war, the rape, the famine, the growing of desert,...


At the beginning the world was a welcomming one.
It will be soon a planet who will not be able to allow the child of our child to drink fresh water of breath decent air.

In this world were the dark and the uggly are growing without any control can't it be important, if not essential, to be able to send others signals than dark ones?

Can't Love be the most magnificiant way to fight all the dark around ?

Not a grain of sand is useless...
Not a drop of rain is useless.
Not a snow drop is useless.
All are important...all count..remove ones...remove them all ...
All will miss.
The wonders of the world are all the same.

Love and shine for them and be awake will allow you to be one very unic and precious well of Love.
That can be not much in such huge world...
Than can be that much.
But that not much is as precious as a grain of sand, or a snow drop because in itself it make you one of the wonders of this amazing world.

Flit wrote:

Do you know what I thought when I read this?

Quote :

He was in Love too...

that I have never been in Love, well not like getting married in love..
not like they sing in the songs, not like the knight in shining armour love song

but when I read that word too... I think maybe you think that I have?

Does it seem that way?

Human are sometime so clumsy with words.

We said "I am in love"
But being in Love as no meaning, no value if it's not share.
I mean share for real.
In the Love world lies a lot of lies and many think they share Love and only hold to an illusion.

If you listen to all those claiming they are in love, Love seems around every corner and so easy to find.

But being in Love is both like tango:you need to be two for this sort of dance.

When I was younger I meet someone..totally heart broken.Poor little one.Crying on my shoulder I feel so sorry and so helpless despite I feel I could Love him and help him forget her and his pain.
So I make a wish:Love me and forget her.
Do you know what happen?
He fall in Love for me.

When I make my wish I know he wasn't able to love me as strong as I dream/ wish/ expect.
So there was an adjustment to my wish: Allow me no to be hurt.

And it happen this way.
Love doesn't happen as everyone tell you...
Love is not around any corner...

There is only few you can love...
Even fewer who will love you back.
So little of them will you be allow to meet.

You will find Love if that is important for you and if that is what you want and need.
If you have others wish and others expectations you may see them fullfill..
but Love is no obligation.

If you do not ask for it...Love happening would simply be a miracle.
This said miracle happen..but look around you and check how many real Love stories around you you know to be real?

Each couple is potentially claiming being the part of a living love story...but only few, very few of them are.

Human forget to wish about Love because society has make Love something vulgar...basic...
Nobody think of the real price, the value of what has real value:water,sun, love...
All these are essentials is what humans think inconsciously and they take it for granted and forget we have to care and fight for these precious.

You are a lovelly person.
Someone with a huge heart and an impressing Love ability but being in Love wasn't part of your dreams.
We all have differents dreams, differents life, differents wishes.

Nevermind if your dreams are not the same than the others..
What matter is where you are today.
Who you are today.
Yesderday has no value (except it has allow you to become who you are today)
What is important if who you are, how you feel today...

And today you feel to me like a true wonder.

Oh...

I am so moved now... ( thank you )

I did think I wanted to be in Love...

but now for the very first time today after reading this I am realising that this could be true...

Quote :

being in Love wasn't part of your dreams.

My dreams are of peace...

not just of a quiet gentle peace

but

the peace you feel within the heart when someone understands... and you get/give that peace when it is shared or you share it

the peace in listening because you want to help the hurt and then the peace is that you listened anyway....

the peace when everyone is enjoying something special all together

the peace of the little ones when they are playing talking having fun and the enjoyment of the older ones who are watching....

the peace you see of a musician/dancer/actress when they step on the stage and it is as if they become transformed in joy

the peace that I felt at certain times in my life and I wanted that time to happen again and again

the peace in the joy of the dance of life

the peace of the togetherness in the living...
when there is just the getting along time in the joy of being...

the peace of knowing you and Nancy..

thank you both for you...

And the other thing is hope....

this is true hope...

Quote :

Can't Love be the most magnificiant way to fight all the dark around ?

Not a grain of sand is useless...
Not a drop of rain is useless.
Not a snow drop is useless.
All are important...all count..remove ones...remove them all ...
All will miss.
The wonders of the world are all the same.

Love and shine for them and be awake will allow you to be one very unic and precious well of Love.

Just what wonderful marvellous words
and full of hope...

Thank you...

I can be awake for all this..

For I can see and Love!

Just thank you!

Blandine, omg....
I can ask this to help me in the living....

Quote :

So there was an adjustment to my wish: Allow me no to be hurt.

Thank you

Flit wrote:

Blandine, omg....
I can ask this to help me in the living....

Quote :

So there was an adjustment to my wish: Allow me no to be hurt.

Thank you

Of course Catherine you can ask....
We, and only we are the ones putting the limits in our life.
So you can ask anything you dare, anything you may need, anything you can think about...

But you have to ask...if you want it to happen...or you can fight for it of course.
And once you have make a wish...it's not going to happen each time a similar situation will reoccurs.
A wish is for one use and only one use.

One time I fall in Love and didn't wish for nothing.Stupid me......


The singer I have tell you I admire so much is Jacques Higelin.
One of his song said this:" I do not live my life, I dream it".

These are total powerfull words.
I have always admire Jacques Higelin but the day I hear these words I was totally amazed because I have never thought some else outside me can think (and so I didn't doubt) live his life this way too.

Despite this was the exact way I feel I live my life, I never dare to share it to anyone, simply as I was afraid to be perceived as totally stupid/ silly/childish/immature...

So this song was a real revelation to me.
I awake to the fact I must not be ashame of my vision of my life.
I have the right to feel it any way which suits me...even more...it was not childish as I was so long time afraid it could be.
Jacques said it with the very exact same word than the ones I use.
Strangely if I qualified my words as childish I find his as poetic.

So how can the exact same words be one time childish (negative) and other time be poetic (positive)?
I must have been wrong.
The words are the same and there is nothing negative in them except my fear of being judge.

This was a great change..I still live my life the same way...simply now I am proud of it...because of the words of a poet.

I realise this can feel even more stupid considering I never tell to anyone this...no before or after...You may be the first one I ever tell this about my perception of my life ever....
But this song as change something in me because some one I admire was using the same words...even if it was only in a song I turn myself from ashame to proud of myself.

I was not alone..Somewhere on earth there is someone able to think the same...some who dare to share it and this was great.

Blandine your words are fantastic.

And how wonderful to hear the same words... from someone else.....

Quote :

Somewhere on earth there is someone able to think the same...some who dare to share it and this was great.

Dare to share! I like it!

I need to share just something....
well if I am in pain or hurt or ill...
why would I need to ask
wouldn't it be obvious anyway that I need help..
is the asking seen as a sort of polite thing to do?

....does the universe not understand me when I am hurting?
I know when someone is hurting
so why do I need to ask for help with it?
Isn't it obvious anyway that I need help?

The way I see it is like this...
Love can just be here anyway
so how is the asking relevant?

I do ask
because
I think I should
but
if I was really really loved
I would just be Loved anyway
whether I asked or not
and it wouldn't be conditional on me asking.

But I see it that free will is the reason why there is a need to ask
and I understand that it is because of this reason that I have to ask....

I don't know how many times I have tried to argue about the free will thing...
but if the asking
is necessary
I will
ask.

I go to sleep
holding my little bear,
it is my prompt
to ask for Love
as I go to sleep.

There is a rainbow outside...
I send Love...

And..

I can't even begin to tell you what your sharing means...

just thank you for you.

I know now about the asking.

Quote :

Yesderday has no value (except it has allow you to become who you are today)
What is important if who you are, how you feel today...

Where I am now
I can ask.
Where I am now
I am listened to.
Where I am now
I am Loved
and
where I am now
I can accept the Love.

I really feel I oughta delete that last post where I questionned like I did, but I understand now
why the asking is new

and today I realise I can ask and share and dream...

Thank you...

Quote :

So you can ask anything you dare, anything you may need, anything you can think about...

I just know today that where I am I can ask...

Flit wrote:

well if I am in pain or hurt or ill...
why would I need to ask
wouldn't it be obvious anyway that I need help..
is the asking seen as a sort of polite thing to do?

....does the universe not understand me when I am hurting?
I know when someone is hurting
so why do I need to ask for help with it?
Isn't it obvious anyway that I need help?

No!Anytime you need help is not obvious.
You may feel it's obvious you need help, but in difficult situation the need, the urge, of help is never obvious for someone outside of yourself.

Some are too proud to ask for help.
Any sort of help.

Do you want to know something which will make you smile?
I am this sort of proud person who NEVER ask help:

When I am lost..it's a total disaster because I do not ask help to a stranger in the street.
If I need to know what time it is (I do not wear watch) I run expecting I wil be on time but I do not bother asking anyone what time it can be.
When I was smoking I never dare to ask fire to someone.

Need to rely on no one.
Need to depent on no one.
Yes even for small things like to have some fire or the time from someone.
I have learn to ask.
I have learn I could ask tinies things.
I have learn to rely on unknow people...
But even today it's difficult.
I rather to rely on myself...I know I can rely on myself.
Others have teach me I can't rely on them.
So it's hard to rely sometimes, and others not to be able to.
So it's more confortable to know you can't never rely..This way you are never dispointed...but you end very alone...unless you can rely on someone else.

I do not rely on human.
I trust human as non reliable at all that why I never ask them.
But Angels...I totally rely on them...
I simply do not ask them all the time..because I do not want them to be a big baby begging for help each 5 seconds.
I want to be able to be in charge...even if I know I can count on them.

Anytime..bad or worse they can be here.
In easy or difficult time..they do not care, they can be here...realisable...instantly...
If only I wish...
BUT they are not the ones who decide if I wish or not...I am that one and I only.

I't's not up to them to decide I can't cope and I would be better with them.
They want me free.
They give me what I ask and if I ask nothing even in the worse situation maybe I am free willing decide I can manage alone?
If I am not even able to think "Help" as easy as I breath????that is my problem...not their.

They force me to nothing and surely not to received help if I didnt clearly ask for it.

Sometimes we simply didn't think.

I have friends I give flowers...
Sometimes they said they have a big problem..and I ask why didn't you take the rescue?Fast and easy choice.Efficiant and reliable mix of precious flowers for any emergency.
"Oh I simply didn't think of it..I should but I simply didn't think.."and they could not help to feel stupid..but next time the same sort of problem will happen they won't think about rescue..
Why?
Maybe it's better for them to fight alone.
Who can know?

Yes sometimes we know the easy way and we simply didn't even considere it.
How can this be?

One time I fall..really fall in Love...Fall very down...

Didn't ask for help.Despite I know I could ..I have done previsouly so I knew perfectly it was possible.

I manage my fall all alone..I do not want them...I should have ask them advice but I didn't..Maye there was a reason..because even without them I manage to pass this..so mabe was it ok for me not even ot ask me..Maybe was it better for me to rely on myself..Maybe there was more learning for me in being alone than to wish the easy help they would kindly offer????

Flit wrote:

But I see it that free will is the reason why there is a need to ask
and I understand that it is because of this reason that I have to ask....

Yes I think you're right.
You have to ask if you want to received.
Things hapenning simply by miracle?...
it's only in movies things hapen this way in real life we have to ask for anything, all the time.

I am just remembering when I first met my Aunty Joan, perhaps I was 8 or 10 years old.

She just said my name over and over.
She was the one person that called me Cathy and with such Love in her voice.

That felt like a miracle.

Flit wrote:

I go to sleep
holding my little bear,
it is my prompt
to ask for Love
as I go to sleep.

I have a bunny...
If you do love bears you may love Kathleen keating books...they only speak of Love....Love from and with Bears.
Try to have a look on her web site and try the book link.
The link seems not to wok just now but it might be temporary.

Flit wrote:

There is a rainbow outside...
I send Love...

I love rainbows....very very much.
One time we came from holidays.
I was force to drive because Afif has broke his leg..
I wasn't use to drive.
Afif is a man..A man drive anytime he can.
The day he brake his leg we fight and I said;"one day I will have to drive in total emergency to go to the hospital and to add to my stress I will have to discover how to drive this car I never drive."
At the end of the afternoon I drive him at the first hospital...
The way back home was a very very long drive where I could not rely on him.
I want him to rely on me, despite I didn't find me really reliable.
When we finally reach England I feel a bit safer to drive the good side of the road with the car fits for it.
The weather turn disastrous and the sky went grey almost black
But there was rainbows all way home.
All more fabulous, flamboyant, impressive than the previous one.
We count 17 of them....
We name the journey "the road of the rainbows" and we both remember it as just magic..
Nevermond the stress, the pain for both as it was painfull for both we only remember the rainbows.