I miss you

Thank you for sharing your rainbow story.
I love it!

And what a thought... that it is possible to only remember the rainbows!

I need to share something else...
and it is just a feeling but it is this...

well some times in the past I got this sort of inner feeling,
and in the past when I got this feeling I would feel that I had to do something and I would usually book a holiday and then after that I would feel okay... and settle down again...

but now I recognise the feeling as a closeness of Spirit...

but before, when I knew nothing, it was just a feeling and I would feel as if I had to do something to alter things some how, but the other day I remembered that it wasn't a "new" feeling but one I actually did know and recognise from the past...

It is just...
I never asked then
and sometimes now even though I haven't asked
I still feel the closeness
it just happens
but now I know what it is
I didn't before
and in both instances past and present
It just happens when it does.

Just sharing a thought...
it is just....my free will didn't get in the way then when I didn't know about it... it just happened...even though I hadn't asked...

So..... in the whole of my life time
I have never been alone
it is just I thought I was...

Imagine how that must feel
to be so deeply Loved
and not to be able to reach and hold...

But I was reached
and I was held

I just didn't know it...

Just how I feel tonight,
that how it was
was actually alright
because it was
I just didn't know it
but now I can look back and see the rainbows...

Oh! Thank you! The rainbows!

... the asking...
I didn't then
so how is the now different?

Is it about the joy of being now?
And asking can be part of the joy too?

Is asking just like a sort of including?
And can be just as quick as a thought?
Is a thought just a reminder?
A memory of

Quote :

I miss you

and

Quote :

I rather to rely on myself...I know I can rely on myself.

Can I just share how it felt before I met Nancy?

It didn't feel like I could rely on myself...
I often didn't know what I thought
or even what I truly felt

It often felt like I felt nothing
I thought nothing
and
I knew the art of standing so still I was sortof invisible.

Standing still in one space was what I knew and it made sure that I wasn't noticed.

Quote :

I do not rely on human.
I trust human as non reliable at all that why I never ask them.

Then I met Nancy.

Nancy, taught me
how to live
how to share
and how to trust
and most importantly of all how to be me
and how to Love
and so much more.

I wouldn't be the person I am now
if it wasn't for Nancy.

Nancy, might say it wasn't Nancy but Spirit that has allowed this growth, this trust, this sharing, the Love, this living.

But I know it is more than that.
So much more.

For it is the very human Nancy that I love
and trust.

Nancy, thank you.

I am only just beginning to realise this wonderful story.
Thank you for you always.

Quote :

Nancy, might say it wasn't Nancy but Spirit that has allowed this growth, this trust, this sharing, the Love, this living.

Not so long ago, Catherine, that is exactly what I would have said, but lately I have come to understand that it is through our interaction with one another that Spirit can do this work.

It isn't absolutely necessary, because Spirit can do anything anyway. But it is so wonderful to share that Love with other people, and honestly, some need and want the example.

Think how limiting life would be if we didn't have others to show us things that we don't or can't see on our own.

It is why I treasure the words and the actions of my friends who lead me in thoughts and directions that I might otherwise miss! It's the absolute joy of finding Catherine those years ago and the joyous serendipity of contact with Blandine this summer. I would be so much less without you!

Love for each of you in thanks for your contributions to my life~

Quote :

Spirit can do anything anyway

I am going to say something now which is something I thought right at the beginning...

But Spirit can't type or write the words.

It is only when we are physical and have fingers and hands that we can type or write.

Quote :

I have come to understand that it is through our interaction with one another that Spirit can do this work.

So this means then that when I say or write something that there can be the opportunity for this.....
"Spirit can do this work."

But this is the thing for me...
I don't know
when it is right
I just hope
perhaps it might be

I do know when I have let myself down
and I do know what I need to do better

But I got sortof stuck the other day

I wrote something
and then didn't post it

But I felt upset
because I had written about my nana

and didn't know whether
I should have posted or not

because the post wasn't about me or my nana

and I didn't know whether the writing was to release something for me.

And it feels like that self confidence thing again..

HOw do I know

( I know I can ask )

But
They know I don't want to get anything wrong

Just how can I really know this....

Quote :

it is through our interaction with one another that Spirit can do this work

I know I can ask

But if I don't interact
then any thing doesn't even have a chance at all does it?

But if I had got something wrong then it would be better not to share...
It would be better for me to be quiet and still....

I know... I am asking....

And
Blandine
thank you for you...

Writing is the same as sitting on a bus, having a drink in a cafe or perhaps waiting for a train.

I don't worry about how to sit on a bus, or how to drink a cup of tea or how to wait for a train. I just get on with it.

Quote :

But Spirit can't type or write the words.

Spirit doesn't need to type or write the words. Spirit speaks to us in our mind.

But Spirit can speak through us in the writing or art or music or the touch and thoughts of ones we love.

We solidify the need for these things because we enjoy them and they make us feel good. It is part of that very deep interaction that we know as inspiration and fulfillment.

When we give ourselves to it fully, everyone can see the depth. We need no instruction and no training period.

Nancy, thank you.

Flit wrote:

But this is the thing for me...
I don't know
when it is right
I just hope
perhaps it might be

I do know when I have let myself down
and I do know what I need to do better

But I got sort of stuck the other day

I wrote something
and then didn't post it

But I felt upset
because I had written about my nana

and didn't know whether
I should have posted or not

because the post wasn't about me or my nana

and I didn't know whether the writing was to release something for me.

Catherine ...Te Mana is a space for us...
It's a space made by us and nobody came...
Despite it's on internet and open to anyone it's work as if it's invisible to anyone except us.

This is our space that mean, it's your space.
You can write anything....whatever the subject..There is no forbidden subject here.
sharing is for anything...
The nice and the boring..The fun and the sad, the laught and the tears...
The clever and the so so stupid...the usefull and the totally deprive of meaning...

Write here what you want.What you like.What you are please or unpleased about.
If one minute after posting while reading back your post you think:" oh my God this I do not want to share"
You can erase....or update..whenever you may want.
You are moderator.
All your posts..all your words are free and belong to you.
The day you do not want to it to be public. anymore.or doesn't feel "legitimated" you will not need to give any justification..you simply change or remove it.

In one of your previous post one day you have ask what have allow Te Mana to be there.
There may be a long story behind.So I am going to make it shorter here and this maybe will help you understand few things about me and Te Mana.
For more than 3 years I was moderator/ animator on a web site...well being web site.

I came on a small forum as a simple member...but it seems I was the one with most knowledge in Bach flowers so I become in charge of the Bach flowers forum...and of all others forums.
The owner of the forums and I became friends and as she doesn't have time for the forums find herself quite happy I can spend full time on them.
The numbers of members rise a lot and the forums became mine.
I spend 12 hours every day even on week end on them and was totally dedicated to them.
It's was full time job for no money and I have to do it on my free time..that mean on my sleeping time as much as possible.
One day it was time for me to stop.The owner has been totally unfair to me and I find her quite rude so I decide to quit and show her what would be her forums without me...as she feel I was not important enough to deserve a little consideration.

So I leave the forums and put them as they would have been without me..
That mean I removed my posts.All of them.

The consequences was if you read any exchange without my posting,they have lost all coherence.They were quite hard to follow because my answers to the questions was not there anymore.
This make some members sorry and they start to understand my point of view and to write about it.
This upset the owner and fews weeks after I quit she close the forums.
There was around 1 000 members registers at this time on the forums.


So a forum can live for years....have plenty of members and suddenly disappear.
Te Mana is not different than any other forum considering is life expectancy.
it will last as long as his members will post on it.
So it's only your posting was give a purpose to Te Mana...
Here you are free to post or not post.

When I have left the forum some members said it wasn't fair.
They find unfair I quit..unfair I removed my posts.They simply didn't manage to realise all the time the forums require from me and they take me for granted.

So maybe it's because of this...or maybe even without this I would have been / feel the same but I can swear to both of you (and not because I think it could be this way but because it has been this way and I know myself quite well) you can removed any post, stop posting any time, I will never ever find it unfair.

You are butterflies to me...
Fly where you want, whenever you may want.
If it's around me on Te Mana I would be more than please but for me as for you I do no want Te Mana to be an obligation.

Being a butterflyes doesn't mean you are a perfect being who has to write things in stone who can stay for decades.
You have the right to be wrong.
You have the right to change your mind.
You have the right to change of mood and find this not ok on line anymore.
You have the right to want a butterfly post..just to post to free you and removed it as soon as posted because reading it back change you enought and make you want something else.
You have all right it.


We are between us and between us, no one is never ever going to judge you.
You know this from Nancy as you know her for long time but be sure I will not judge you for posting, or none posting...
Do as you like and do no deprive you of the freedom of changing your mind..
Butterflies are butterflies.They are no stones..they change and that what is great in Butterflies is their change abilities

Blandine it is good to read your words.
I have so enjoyed reading this, thank you.

It almost feels like
you are saying
I can decide things like if to delete or remove,
but I thought that once I had posted it was like I was "releasing" it and I could'nt call it back then...

It is just I remembered a few days ago how upset I was when my nana died suddenly and no one could make it better,
everyone I asked said that was how it was and that was it..

and then I remembered a dream I had a few days after the funeral
and I suddenly saw Nana walking
and I remember just being so surprised and I said...
You can walk, you can move, and you are alright.
And she looked so much younger.

HOw could a dream be just a "memory" if I had never seen her that young?

The dream was of seeing nana was just the once

but then I got to thinking that
in a way
it was a turning point for me...for I was comforted.

But if I told someone they might say I made it up and it was just in my head and then I thought of the comfort bit that even if it was just a dream that is okay because it helped me with the moving on.

My nana taught me how to knit and she baked the most wonderful sponge cakes and the most amazing trifles
and she was peaceful to be with
and she had a glass place full of flowers
and we would go for walks together.
And when nana and grandpa had a touring caravan I would travel to be with them and
we went all over the country.
It was always snug and warm in their little caravan
and grandpa would suck mints
and it was peaceful.

I really don't understand why I am sharing this
but today I know I can delete today's writing.

Blandine, I send Love for your today.

It is a beautiful day and the sun is shining,
The light has a clarity that is very beautiful,

Thinking of you and sending Love....